Co-Parenting Summer Travel Do’s and Don’ts
It’s summer vacation, woohoo!
You may have travel plans with your kids. Or maybe it’s your co-parent who’s taking them on a trip. This may bring up big emotions and worries for you, your co-parent or your kids.
If you take some time to prepare and be strategic, it can also be a time of great joy and connection.
I’ve created some straightforward do’s and don’ts to help you stay focused on what’s really important - creating lasting memories for your kids.
Don’t forget to consult the kids
This is their trip! Make sure you check in with them about what you’re thinking as far as vacation plans. You may be surprised that what they found interesting last year no longer has any appeal. Real talk? not very many people actually like surprises. Especially when you’re going through a really turbulent time like trying to adjust to a new family structure and family schedule. This is not the time for grand gestures. Your kids will appreciate you asking them what they’d like and what’s important to them. If you feel pressure to make a memorable trip for your kids because of all they’ve been through, join the club! But slow down, check in and make a plan that prioritizes input from your kids.
Don’t underestimate how stressful changes to the parenting time schedule can be
It’s normal for newly separated or divorced co-parents to feel protective of their time with their kids and anxious about changes to the regular parenting time schedule - like summer trips. Don’t assume your co-parent will be ok with the trip you want to take the kids on, especially if it’s in conflict with the details of your agreed upon parenting time schedule. This is not one of those situations where it’s better to ask for forgiveness than for permission. You don’t want to put your kids in an awkward situation of having their parents fight about a vacation that’s supposed to be fun. Instead, address summer schedules, including trips and travel well ahead of time, preferably in your divorce agreement. If you’re asking for something that’s not in the parenting plan, be ready to address specific concerns and questions and be ok with getting “no” for an answer. Communicate dates and itineraries well in advance. Be prepared to address conflicting activities. If you’re the parent getting a travel or trip request, consider whether this is something that would benefit your child. If it is, try to address any specific concerns without making your child/ren miss out on a cool opportunity.
Don’t talk about anything legal with your kids
This trip is for the kids, right? To connect with them. To help them feel that life goes on after divorce. To help them figure out their interests and expand their horizons. One sure thing that can ruin all of that is to talk about any of legal aspects of the divorce on or before the vacation. They don’t want or need to know what kinds of switches you had to make with your co-parent to make this trip possible or that you would have taken them somewhere fancier but their other parent refused to help pay for it. None of that. Make like the Wizard of Oz and keep all that shit behind the curtain.
Do put the needs of your kids first
What do they like? Are they an outdoorsy type who’s going to enjoy a week of camping and hiking by an alpine lake? Would it make their year to visit whole slew of museums or check out a MLB game? Consider their personality as well as their logistical needs such as medications, allergies and how they’re going to feel about being away from their other parent or beloved pets for an extended amount of time. If the goal is to enjoy each other’s company and create lasting memories, think about what that looks like for your unique humans.
Do communicate early and often
For things to go smoothly for yourself and your child/ren, start the conversation around travel planning early with your co-parent and your kids. As I mentioned above, consult with your kids to get their input, check dates and plans with your co-parent to make the best overall summer and travel plans for your kids. When you’re on the trip, plan for them to have the right amount of communication with their other parent. For younger kids, this may mean daily calls, texts or video chats at bedtime. For older kids, this may be once or twice during the course of the trip. Think about how it might feel for your co-parent to be so far away from the kids, maybe for the first time ever. Do what you can to ease their concerns by providing travel information, info on where you’re staying and itineraries, schedule changes and emergency contact information as well as the opportunity to check in with the kids.
Do respect each other’s boundaries
When the kids are with you, you’re responsible for daily decisions. When they’re with your co-parent, it’s that parent’s turn to take on those responsibilities. Try not to micromanage how your co-parent is making daily decisions when it’s their parenting time. Try not to have unrealistic expectations for communication with your child if they’re off having adventures. Think about what’s best for your child, not what you need. When you demonstrate respect for your co-parent, it has an added benefit to your kids - they don’t feel like they have to choose sides or show a preference. When you’re secure enough to express appreciation and respect for your co-parent, it models healthy relationships.
I hope you found these summer co-parenting do’s and don’ts helpful!
Please reach out if you could use some support with creating a parenting plan or with co-parenting this summer. Use the link below to schedule a free consultation.
