How to Tell Your Spouse You Want a Divorce.
For you, the relationship is over.
You know it's time to end it but you're worried about how to break the news to your spouse or long term partner.
You've heard horror stories about all the ways this could go sideways, fast. You're not sure what to say or how to say it in a way that won't cause them to go off the rails.
Is this you? Or perhaps a client of yours?
Many of my clients end up hiring me because they have a sense there may be a better way to end things but they're confused about what that even looks like.
When a client says they want to break the news to their spouse or partner in the best way possible, here are some simple guidelines I share:
Acknowledge you've given this a lot of thought
Be clear that you're ending the relationship
Acknowledge this was not what either of you wanted when you got together
Avoid blame or going into detail about who did what
Acknowledge common ground - love of the kids, a carefully build nest-egg, etc.
Clearly state your intentions for how you'd like this separation / divorce to go (amicable, reasonable, thoughtful, transparent, as easy on the kids as possible, etc.)
End with an invitation to discuss process options and next steps
I hope this basic list of guidelines for breaking the news is helpful.
As an alternative dispute resolution specialist, I truly believe there's a lot you can do to end your long-term partnership or marriage with less drama and without breaking the bank.
Of course, every situation is unique and you may be dealing with a person or set of circumstances that require firm legal and safety boundaries. If that's your situation, take the time to get informed on the best options and resources.
For a majority of people though, it can be empowering to set the tone for a more peaceful end to the relationship.
If you need help figuring out what it would take to end things well, working with a certified professional Divorce Coach could really help.
