How to Prepare for Divorce - Top 5 Tips
How to Prepare for Divorce - Top 5 Tips
Explore your fears
Become an informed consumer
Understand your divorce budget
Gather important financial and legal documents
Start identifying your divorce team
1. Explore your fears
Fears are either questions waiting to be answered or plans waiting to be developed.
Here’s an example to illustrate what I mean.
A client of mine said she was worried the divorce was going to harm her kids.
Fair!
I can't think of a parent going through a divorce who's not worried about their kids. When we explored this fear, she realized what she was truly worried about was that her kids might prefer spending time with their Dad. He was the fun one who had all the toys at his house. She was worried they might choose him over her.
This was good information!
Once she got to the real fear, she could start to answer the question of how she was relating money to love and what she wanted to do about that. She realized that her role with the kids didn’t actually have to change and that she could continue to do meaningful (and inexpensive!) activities with them.
A different client of mine expressed this same fear - that divorce would harm his kids.
When we explored his fear, it turned out he was terrified that if he agreed to less than 50% of parenting time, his kids would conclude he didn't love them as much as their other parent did.
This, again, was good information. We made a plan for things he could do to show his kids he loves and values them, no matter how much parenting time he had.
Do you see why exploring your fears is essential? It will lead you to the questions you need answers to and the plans you need to make.
2. Become and informed consumer
When you understand the legal and financial decisions you'll face, as well as your options for how to make them, you create better outcomes.
You can save money, time, and stress when you get informed about this complicated process.
For example, you'll want to understand how mediation is different from litigation. You will need to know if your state is a 50/50 or an equitable division of assets state - and what that even means. You'll also benefit from knowing how much divorce typically costs, from DIY to trial.
Knowledge is power.
3. Create a divorce budget
Now that you know how much various divorce process options typically cost, take a hard look at how much money your family can 'afford' to dedicate to divorce.
No one wants to spend money on divorce.
When you're realistic about how much money you're likely to need to pay for this process, and where it will come from, you're more likely to keep your money for things you DO want to spend it on.
Think of divorce as a medical procedure. If a doctor tells you that you need the procedure, you’re gonna have to start thinking about how to pay for it. Are you going to put it on your credit card, take out a loan, use your savings, or find a facility that takes your insurance?
No, divorce professionals do not take insurance, but I have had clients access legal or financial resources through their Employee Assistance Program. Identifying creative ways they could pay for the professional support they needed kept more money in their bank accounts.
Divorce can be expensive, but it does not have to break the bank, especially if you do the hard emotional work of figuring out what divorce is likely to cost you and how you’ll pay for it.
4. Gather important financial and legal documents - you're going to need these documents for the paperwork and there's a chance your spouse will try to cut off access.
Start with this list of financial and legal documents you’ll need for divorce.
5. Start identifying your divorce team
Now that you've figured out your legal and financial questions, how much money you can afford to spend, and which option may be the best fit for your situation, it's time to start putting together your team.
You may not know WHO will be on your team, but you can start determining WHAT role each person will play.
For example, if you know you and your spouse are committed to keeping your kids in the center of your divorce decisions and out of the middle, you can start asking around about Mediators who specialize in this.
Or if you and your spouse have complicated assets, you can start looking for Certified Divorce Financial Analysts (CDFA) to advise you on creative and equitable ways to split up those assets.
If you've determined you need some legal advice around how to negotiate spousal support but not much else, you can look for attorneys who offer an unbundled fee structure, as opposed to a bells and whistles approach.
A certified divorce coach can help you do steps 1-4 above, by providing education, resources and encouragement to become informed and intentional about your divorce. You’ll want to find one who feels like a wise friend who has your back but isn’t going to give you bad advice.
Who you involve in your divorce decisions will have a big impact on the outcomes for you. It matters. Take some time to understand the role of each professional and be an informed consumer when you start consultations to find the best fit.
With these 5 valuable tips on how to prepare for divorce, you can take control of your divorce and avoid unnecessary drama and costs.
If you need help with any of these steps, schedule a complimentary consultation with me here.
